Tuna Fried Rice

1/2 cup dry rice
1/2 large sweet onion
2 cloves garlic
1 5oz. can tuna
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 tsp lemon juice
1-2 tsp dry sherry
2-3 tbsp soy sauce
salt, pepper, Cayenne to taste

Cook rice according to directions*. While the rice is doing its thing, mince the onion and garlic, and drain the tuna. Heat a wok or a large skillet with a little oil and cook the onion and garlic first, until the onion is soft. Then add the tuna to warm it through, then add the rice, then the egg and the liquids. Stir fry until the egg’s cooked. Season to taste.

Sometimes, you are a broke grad student who doesn’t feel like going to the grocery store, so you use up what you’ve got. I might add some scallions or bell pepper next time Also, if you have cats, they will go INSANE while you’re cooking this.

*This guy has an excellent method for making awesome rice that doesn’t stick: add however much rice you’re cooking to a pot, then add enough water so that when you touch the top of the rice with your index finger, the water comes up to the first knuckle. Seriously, regular rice never sticks or burns this way!

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Capellini Aglio e Olio with Tonkatsu

1 pork chop, 1 to 1.5 inches thick
salt and pepper
flour for dredging
1 egg
panko bread crumbs
oil for frying

3-4 cloves garlic
3 tbsp olive oil
couple ounces of angel hair pasta
handful shredded Parmesan
salt and pepper

Bring pork chop to room temperature. Make shallow cuts all along the surface, and salt and pepper generously. Place 3 plates out and add flour to one, a beaten egg to the second, and panko bread crumbs to the third. Cover in flour, then egg, then panko. Make sure the pork chop is completely covered in panko. Heat an inch of oil in a pan, and fry the pork chop, about 5 minutes on each side. Drain over paper towels.

Peel garlic and slice very thinly. Place garlic slices and oil in thin pan and heat on medium-low. While the garlic cooks, boil a pot of water and add angel hair to boiling water. Let garlic cook until it starts to brown. When garlic becomes golden brown, turn off heat and add a tablespoon or so of hot pasta water to sauce to slow garlic cooking. Drain pasta, and add garlic oil and Parmesan. Toss. Serve pasta on a plate. Slice pork chop and place over pasta. Top with salt and pepper.

I was in the mood for Japanese and Italian, so this happened. I’ve also got a bit of a cold, so I went for something garlicky, since it fights viruses. It’s a excellently hearty pasta on its own, and the deep-fried pork adds some real substance.

Eggs Benedict Cumberbatch

Hollandaise sauce:
2 egg yolks
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/2 stick of butter (1/4 cup)
Cayenne

2 bagel thins
4 slices Canadian bacon
4 eggs
paprika for garnish

Blend the egg yolks and lemon juice in a blender or food processor. While the blender is running on high, slowly drizzle in the butter. When you’ve got a light, fluffy sauce, mix in a little Cayenne and salt, if you like. Reserve.

Start boiling a pot of salted water. While it’s heating up, toast the bagel, and microwave the bacon. Crack an egg into a bowl, swirl the water so you get a little bit of a vortex going (it helps keep the egg together), and quickly drop the egg in. Continue with the rest of the eggs. Keep a close eye on the pot, as it can quickly boil over with eggy foam, and you don’t want that getting in your burners. Cook for about 4 minutes, then drain. Place the bacon on the bagel, then place the egg on top. Top with Hollandaise and a pinch of paprika.

My local grocery store is the absolute worst and didn’t have English muffins, so I had to use bagel thins. I actually like them better than English muffins, since they get crispy and can be easily cut through.

Microwave Nutella Brownie

1 egg
2 tbsp milk
1-2 tbsp chocolate syrup
1 tbsp Nutella
4 tbsp flour
1-2 tbsp sugar
1 mini candy bar (optional)

Thoroughly mix the egg, milk, chocolate syrup, and Nutella in a big, microwave-safe mug. Add flour. Add enough sugar to make the brownie as sweet as you like. Drop a mini candy bar in the middle if you like. Microwave for 2 minutes. You might need to alter the time, depending on your microwave. Let it cool for a couple of minutes before eating.

This is not fancy at all, but if it’s midnight on Friday, you’ve been drinking, and you’re craving a brownie, it’ll do.

Lasagna

6 Italian sausages (either spicy or sweet, depending on your taste)
16 oz Marinara sauce
splash of red wine

1 egg
14 oz ricotta cheese
1 cup Italian cheese blend (because we’re lazy and inauthentic)
1 tsp salt
dash black pepper, Cayenne

5-6 lasagna noodles

Skin the sausages (By the way, removing sausage skin is SO gross, but oddly satisfying. That might say personal things about me.) and cook the meat through, working quickly to break up clumps. Once the meat is browned, add the marinara sauce and wine. If the sauce looks thick, add some water to the empty sauce jar, shake, and pour the water in. (You’re going to have to clean the jar anyway for recycling.) Simmer for at least 30 minutes, preferably longer, and taste for seasoning. While that’s going on, beat the egg and gradually mix in the cheese. Add the spices and keep at room temperature, since it’s easier to spread that way. Cook the noodles according to the package, (I personally broke mine in half because I don’t have a pot large enough for whole noodles, and my Pyrex dish is small anyway.) drain, and rinse under cold water. Lightly oil a 9×9 Pyrex dish or equivalent. Now, pay attention to this sexy layering method: Start with a layer of meat sauce, then a layer of cheese, then a layer of noodles, then cheese, then meat, then noodles, then cheese, then meat. That’s meat, cheese, noodles, cheese, meat, noodles, cheese, meat. Sprinkle the top with more shredded cheese. Cover loosely with foil and bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. Remove the foil and cook for an additional 30 minutes. Allow to rest at least 15 minutes before serving. Seriously, wait. It’s scalding hot and will burn your face off, and it’s also really hard to serve in actual squares as opposed to a big sloppy pile. I’ll try to get a picture of an individual square tomorrow.